Girl Probs // Why I hate Having Big Breasticles

Firstly, does anyone else refer to their knockers as breasticles? I am hardly prude, but I hate referring to my breasts as breasts, or tits. Boobs is ok I suppose, but I feel stupid when I say it - like I am not part of my own generation; that I am trying to be acutely ‘proper’. Anyway, moving swiftly on, let’s talk breasticles of the larger kind. I am going to start off by saying having them ain’t all squishy-ness and fun, they’re a real pain, and sometimes, in the literal sense. If I had a pound for every time someone used the phrase ‘oh, but at least you’ve got boobs and a cleavage’, I’d actually be able to have the uplift that I so longingly desire...

Why I hate having big boobs

Being larger in the chest area has always been something that’s added to my insecurities. This is why you will very rarely see me flaunting them. I feel others think I am lying when I tell them about why I hate my boobs, and more so, cannot comprehend why having them is not how they would expect having them to be. Truthfully, although I am of the bigger cup size, I can’t actually achieve a great cleavage because my boobs are too far apart #firstworldprobs. Also, for a twenty three year old, they’re grotesque and saggy. Yes tmi, sorry about that, but it’s the truth. I often make the joke with my friends that my best party trick is being able to hide moderately large objects under them. I am talking phones people, not a pound coin. I can hide objects under there and you wouldn’t know. Is that sexy? No, I don’t think so. That’s what agged me up so much over the recent ‘pen trick’ articles (I think they were saying you weren’t a real woman if you couldn’t hold a pen under your boobs? something like that – correct me if I am wrong) – but it’s nothing to be desired and definitely doesn't defy your woman status, that's ridiculous. This though, for me, is partly down to my weight issues (I am blessed with the stretch marks too). As a yoyo dieter I lose and put on weight quite quickly, which consequently has destroyed the elasticity in my chest, allowing gravity to take over twenty bloody years too early.

ALSO, sleeping. IT’S SO BLOOMIN’ UNCOMFORTABLE (I sleep on my stomach), and don’t even get me started on exercise. I mean I try to do all of this healthy shit by going to the gym, only to be repaid by knocking myself out with my own body parts, or worse, being in physical pain. I know, I know, there are good sports bras out there, but why are they so much more expensive than smaller sizes?

Another thing I hate about my big breasticles is buying clothes. I am naturally an hourglass shape, so my waist is small but I am both top and bottom heavy. This makes shirts and pretty tops almost impossible to wear, unless you want to pop a button mid conversation that is. Also bras. Want to wear those really pretty, lacy triangle (blogger cliché) bras or slinky bikinis? Nope think again! All the affordable bras on the high street are either poorly designed for bigger boobs – in terms of support -, or don’t even go past a DD cup. We therefore have to fork out for the more expensive brands that do cater. For your information, the above bra is from Boux Avenue, which is where I get the majority of my bras.

The pinnacle thing that annoys me most though is that those with smaller boobs can get away without wearing a bra. I LONG FOR THAT DAY. I guess one girl’s wish is another’s horror.

Do any of you feel the same?

By the way, this post isn’t designed to shame those with big boobs, this is just one of the things about myself that I can’t learn to love, however hard I try. Sadly though, I don’t have eight or so grand to hoist them up.

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