End of Month Reflection: July

a lifestyle shot of make-up, flowers and jewellery

I seem to have missed out my June reflection; time is going too fast to keep up. I was doing well in June/July: I was exercising a lot more, eating well and - for the first time in a while - felt good within myself. Although my health has steadily remained on the positive track, and I have lost some of those extra pounds that were making me sluggish, August, albeit only a few days in, has catapulted my mind into a deserted land. My mind has this great power to switch moods incredibly fast, and it seems, something has gone a little haywire. I can't really explain these feelings, I just know they're a regular occurrence that make me question many things in my life. I suppose I had gotten used to feeling content, which over the last couple of months has been a breath of fresh air. I don't think I have ever felt content for as long as I have recently, so now I am questioning why I feel unsettled again. Chemical imbalances have always been the bane of my life, but I am learning to live with them and I feel stronger each day. I think what I am feeling is perfectly natural as it's a different kind of unsettled to previous times...

I have spent my life running away from change, abandoning anything that would induce such a notion, but recently I feel like that's the problem. Maybe it is. I need a change. I miss the determined girl I used to be; the girl who had so many dreams it was hard to stay awake. I used to never take no for an answer. If I wanted to do something, I would strive and work hard to accomplish it. In recent months, I am feeling lazy. I have become a slave to the easy option, the comfortable option, and ultimately I am resenting myself for that. I was never the girl that settled, so why am I doing that now? I need adventure, I need purpose and I need to feel like life is so exciting I can't keep up. I don't want to struggle, I don't want to be 'comfortable' and I certainly don't want to start regretting certain choices. I have decided I want to travel, work abroad, see the world and fall in love in a way that my feet can't touch the ground. I want to do all the cliched things that once gave me such hope, such light.

I am going to get back on track with the exercise as my mind is more free and elevated when I do so. I am also going to research into working abroad; the USA specifically. I am so scared of wasting my life, which is ironic because I remember a time so clearly that I wanted to give my life away completely and I would do anything, go anywhere just for a distraction from the misery I was feeling.  I have healed a lot since then, and at 23, feel like I need to fight for the life I want and not dwell on the bits I am not happy with. I'm worried that I should have done all these things when I was younger, as I am concerned that if I leave my current life and my low step, but step nevertheless, on the career ladder, that I will struggle to get back on. Maybe it's the risks of life that I need to embrace, who knows? I guess we will have to watch this space, because no one knows - not even me - what my own life holds... I just know something needs to change or I am going to be in the same situation when I am thirty. A bitter, lonely, broke, uncultured thirty year old is not who I want to be.


  1. I really hope August is a good month for you and that your feeling better again. I find exercise has an amazing effect for me when I feel awful, stressed or overwhelmed. I never want to go for a run but every time I do I can actually feel the bad feelings lifting away, you would think I'd remember that and it would motivate me to run more but no!


  2. Love this! As you said, it's only a few days in, so there is still time to make August YOUR month!

    I've also been looking into saving up enough to go live in California for 3 months next year. Of course, I won't be able to work there - oh, if someone could just sponsor me for a visa already! -, but it'd be fun! If you ever want to join me, let me know!

    - Elodie x